Hajj Chronicles III

I loved my Hajj experience, alhamdulllah.  I feel like Allah blessed me, beyond my imagination, and I hope to be forever a thankful slave.

I had the pleasure during my first Hajj experience to have a sheikh accompany our Hajj group and give us tidbits that were so on the spot, so perfect for Hajj.  During our travel from Medina to Makkah, our sheikh told us something that stuck in my mind, 'Don't busy yourselves during tawaf staring at everything.  Don't stare at the Ka'ba, don't stare at the skies around.  But do stare at the people.  Their faces will tell you stories...."  And while he said this, a couple of the more experienced hujjaj around him shook their heads in agreement, with these moving, untold stories on their faces.   And I wanted in on this.  I wanted to see these stories in the faces of the hujjaj around me, making tawaf around the holiest of places.

And so I stared.  I didn't need too much prodding to do it, from the first minute I arrived in the Holy Lands, I couldn't keep my eyes off the people.  I was overwhelmed by the crowds around me, the people around me, the faces around me. I couldn't stop staring.  Those first couple of days, I just couldn't keep my eyes in my Qur'an.  I know that's not the best thing, but there is wisdom in Allah's creation, perfection in His creation, and it made me appreciate Him and His creation that much more.

And then I arrived in Makkah, and the stories that people's face told shook my heart, brought the tears to my eyes.  Stories of struggle, love, dedication.  Stories of pure servitude to Allah.  Stories of His blessings on me.  Stories of determination, sincerity.  Stories of pure happiness and strength that came out of unknown sources.

There was that one young woman, a Southeast Asian, pushing a wheel chair with what I assumed was her husband and young toddler.  It was hot, she was sweating and unshaded on the third floor of the Haram, and yet she was pushing her young husband and toddler, both bent over in deep sleep.  I didn't know their story.  I didn't know if she came to His house, asking Him to cure her seemingly healthy husband from some deathly disease.  Pushing, praying, struggling to keep up her rites.  May Allah reward her.

And then, the story of the old, African man, in ihram, struggling to make tawaf on the third floor of the Haram, through crowds that had already sat down in readiness for the upcoming prayer.  He kept on stumbling over outstretched legs and folded laps, trying to finish his tawaf.  And then he stumbled and a man ran up to him and screamed 'This is a mosque!' and pulled off his slippers...  I couldn't stop the tears.  I could stop the wrenching feeling that was overwhelming my heart.  I couldn't help wondering how far this man had travelled, from which village or city.  I couldn't help crying for him, perhaps leaving his family, his village behind for the first time.  Seeing such crowds for the first time.  Struggling to  perform the Hajj in the most perfect way, all while perhaps being illiterate, or at least not having access to readily available sources on how to perform the Hajj....  How lucky I am, alhamdulillah.  And for this, I must be forever a thankful servant.

And then, I was making sa'ee between the Mountain of Safa and Marwa during my tawaf il ifadah, the rite after which I would be considered  a 'hajji', and could take off my state of ihram.  I was walking, pretty tired out from a long walk to Makkah from Mina, from my tawaf and now my sa'ee.  I was loving my physical state of ibadah.  Appreciating the lessons of sa'ee, the state of remembering Him while I was exhausted to my bones, the state of appreciating Him while walking back and forth.  And I approached the green lights, the distance within which it was sunnah for men to run.  And I saw him.  The man who served to move my heart to the core, to squeeze my heart and tears out.  I saw an old, old man in ihram.  Unable to walk without a walking stick.  Unable to stand straight.  And yet, he was running across that distance.  Running, with a back bent at a 60 degree angle.  Running with a walking stick held high in the air.  And I couldn't help the tears.  What love, what dedication, what sincerity to Allah SWT would move that man to run with his walking stick held high, with his back bent low?!

A couple of days later, in our farewell tawaf around the Ka'bah, I could almost swear I saw the same man again.  But what is the possiblity of that?! What is the possiblity, that from three million hujjaj, coming from all over the world, from camps spread wide and forth around Mina, I would see that same man again?!  We were bidding our farewell to the Ka'bah, with our final tawaf, on the third floor of the Haram, making thikr, remembering Him and asking Him.  And I saw a man in front of me, doggedly making his tawaf on the third floor, the longest distance of tawaf.  Determined, he was walking around with no wheel chair, on his own, with his long white beard flowing down, with his back bent at a 60 degree angle.  And there was that walking stick, held up high off the floor, in determination to make that tawaf on his own, with no help from anyone or any thing.  Walking, walking, walking for His sake.  Praying for His strength, power, love and acceptance.  Ya Allah, accept Him.  He was walking in the crowds, but no one knew him. And yet, he did it lovingly for Your sake, for Your acceptance.  Allahumma fa taqabbal.

Hajj Chronicles II

It's the little things that people do, that have others praying for them, without them even realizing, and may be the reason they enter Paradise. 

While we were sitting in the Haram in Makkah, on the third floor, I noticed people fidgeting in front of me, and then slowly I noticed the crowds flicking a large cockroach/cricket type bug around.  When you're sitting in a crowd of a million, there's no place for this insect to go but onto another person.  And so it got dangerously near me.  And though I don't have a fear of insects, this one was pretty large, and I had no tissues on me to pick it up with.  And so I ignored it, moved my feet and prayer rug around, and let it go on its merry way, bothering some other hajji. 

A few seconds later, a young man came and picked up this insect with his own bare hands, to dispose of it God knows where.  All I could do was pray for him.  He had just saved one million other hajjis from discomfort; had helped save their concentration for prayer.  May Allah reward him greatly.  He did us all a favor and removed harm from his fellow Muslim's path. 

Hajj Chronicles I - Kindess of a Stranger

It started out when she smiled at me, so thankfully.  It made me feel bad.  Why was I so begrudging of this empty spot next to me?  Why was I being so greedy with something that didn't belong to me.  Why couldn't I just smile, graciously, when she asked me if there was any space next to me for her and her friend to pray in.  Instead, I shook my head vigorously and mouthed, "No," and made the sign for 'one person' with my hand.  Only one of you can come.  And that, without a smile.

I was standing in the Haram, in the Holy Mosque, in Makkah.  I was there for my first hajj, and my days were filled with love and worship.  And yet, I had learned to fight for my spot when it was time for prayer.  And that first day in Makkah, on the third floor, three rows back from the balcony overlooking the Ka'ba and the crowds, I was in bliss.  But when I stood up to pray, I could only begrudgingly scoot over and make room for a sister.    What scrooges we humans are.

A couple of days later, the crowds had swelled in Makkah, as more and more hujjaj arrived from Madina and from all over the world.  I was continually being reminded by my sheikh to be patient, to flow with the crowd, to remember that I would be tested to my breaking point, and yet I must stand patient.  And so I learned not to fight the crowds when one million of us were walking in every direction trying to get in for prayer.  And I learned to let the crowd move me when prayers were over and we needed to head back to our hotel for sleep or food.  And I learned to appreciate that most people around me were moving with the flow; weren't fighting it.

And then we tried to make it in for Maghrib prayer a couple of nights before Arafat.  We were determined that within these 45 minutes, we'd make it in and not be praying outside our hotel lobby, or in the streets in front of the Haram.  We struggled and walked and slipped through, but the only place that we could make it into was the basement of the Haram.

It was just minutes before Iqama, as we looked around for a spot.  There were no spots.  But if people just moved around a little, scooted their bodies over, I'd definitely make it in.  So I headed for a relatively spacious line and asked a few women, in sign language, if I could pray next to them.  'No,' they vigorously shook their heads.  I signed, 'Just move over a few inches and I'll be ok. '  Again, 'No.  No room.'

I wasn't going to fight about it, so again, I started scanning the crowds for another possible line.  But right then, a big, matronly woman from Mali, sitting right next to these women who had refused to move over for me, spoke to me.  She waved her hands, 'Come over here, there's space.'  And she scooted her self over and helped force me into that space.  She then took my shoe bag from me and put it in front of her.  I was unbelievably grateful to her.  I was so thankful.  I couldn't stop smiling.  It felt so good to have this stranger save me from my wandering over outstretched legs and crowded spaces.  And she had done it so graciously, with a smile, without me even asking her.

May Allah reward her.  She made my Hajj.  Not because she moved over for me when no one else would, not only because she did it without me asking her, not only because she did it so nicely, but because she taught me a lesson in kindness and generosity.  These are the traits that Allah SWT wants us to have when He teaches us His names of Al Mannan and Al Kareem.  You do good things.  You do them generously, with a smile, with an open heart.  You don't begrudge your daughter your time when she asks you for the umpteenth time to get her more milk.  You don't begrudge your sister when you drive her out of your way because she doesn't have her car.  You don't hold your friend up for a favor because you baby-sat her daughter.  And you don't think you are generous because you moved over five inches for your sister to stand next to you, shoulder to shoulder, in prayer.

You remember His bounty on you for giving you that space, for giving you the ability to give it.  O Allah, You are the Most Generous, the Most Kind.  Give her more than I can ever give her and reward her for teaching me to be kind and generous with what I have.

Good Day

Today, I had a good day alhamdulillah. And I want to share it with myself so that I inspire myself, reflect on what I did good, and keep it coming inshaAllah. 

I actually started the day with a mistake, authu billah.  I thought I had set my alarm for fajr, but I hadn't.  So I missed fajr.  And that's why I had some energy to get up at 8:30 when my daughters came a-visiting.  The shaytan is a powerful force. 

I got up with the little one, took her to the bathroom, and instead of coaxing her into bed with me, led her to the living room.  We put on an exercise video (which I haven't done in ages!) and she ate her cereal.  I took her out of her seat, dressed her, (while exercising, mind you!) and finished my video, alhamdulillah!!! That is something I have been meaning to start back up in so long. 

Actually, I forgot! I started my day with reading my verses for memorization from Surat al Naml.  Before I hit the Internet.  High five to myself!  Then exercise, alhamdulillah.

Then I sat her down for 10 minutes of Qur'an, and the story of Surat al Feel.  Then we did a little bit out of her tracing book.... Now I felt good that I had given her this personal time, she doesn't get enough of it with her older sister.  Than I set up her little cooking station and brought down my computer for Internet time. 

Other good things did today:
- I had an impromptu measuring lesson for Sumayya today.  She was throwing a ball, and I decided I'd teach her about measuring, and we'd measure how far she was throwing.  We brought out some rulers and measuring tape and had a quick lesson.  Then I let her measure a few things, and then throw her ball while Shifaa helped me spread out the measuring tape.  Then we took a few random toys, measured them, drew them, wrote down their length and then put them in order! Alhamdulillah, drawing, tracing, math, and fun all at the same time.  I'm happy when these ideas come to my mind, but they don't come often enough.

I also did an activity out of the Slow and Steady book for Sumayya's age (actually younger than Sum, older than Shifaa).  Both kids enjoyed it (the one where you walk on a string, foot to foot, and pick up the ball, return it in the same fashion and throw it into a basket). 

Kids are napping now... Time for GrowMama blog writing. 

alhamdulillah.  Ya Allah, give me energy always, and keep laziness away from me.

Samsouma is Reading!

MashaAllah.  I'm happy, b/c I don't even feel like I taught her.  Very little direction on my part, but Allah blesses kids with the ability to think.  Something that we're using that makes her love reading: BOB books.  They're these simple books, with simple words and simple illustrations. And when she reads a sentence, she realizes that reading will lead her to discovering a story, and it's exciting for her!!! Alhamdulillah! Not just a chore anymore.  Thanks to my sister in law for the tip.

Feelings Back From Hajj

I got back from Hajj, my first Hajj, two weeks ago.  Alhamdulillah, it was such a blessing from my Creator. Thank you, Allah for blessing me with Hajj this year.  Now I  have to remind myself not to let it be a passing period of ta3abud, with a rapid decline.  work, work, struggle, love, give myself up to Him.

Hajj.... that hadith about how each of the manasik was prescribed for making more ibadah.  never remember hearing of it, never remember reflecting on it.... But now that I got to attend Hajj, I understand it, I appreciate it, I love it.  'Truly, tawaf, rami and sa'ee were prescribed only for ibadah." for worship.  To dedicate yourself to Allah SWT during that 3 hours of tawaf and sa'ee.  you're doing a physical action that might push many ppl to their extreme, but through out it all, you're remembering Allah.  You're praising Allah.  You're thanking Allah. You're glorifying Allah. You're asking Allah. And asking.  And hoping.  And praying.
And it's so wonderful alhamdulillah. It's so wonderful. A rejuvenation. A revival.  You get it in Ramadan, once a year.  You get it in Juma'ah prayer, once a week. You get it in the seasons of ibadah.  But nothing like full time immersion in ibadah during Hajj.  Ya Allah, what a blessing.  Full-time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week of intense immersion in the ibadah of Allah SWT.  You truly feel like those 4 hours of sleep are dedicated to making you stronger so that you can wake up and go worship Allah.  You truly feel like that cup of juice you drink, that dinner you eat, is fully for the sake of strenghtening you for His worship. No frivolous bites, no overboard sleeping in.  You're building up your reserve to hike out in the wee hours of the night to His sanctuary, struggling through crowds of hundreds of thousands, dedicated to Him, just like you and more than you, all going purely for His pleasure.  Ya Allah, the beauty of it.

You struggle through the loving crowds, through the worshipping crowds, to your spot.  You stand, and pray, and pray.  You sit and read His words.  read them and love them,  You look around at His creation.  The hundreds of thousands who are all here, all crying for His pleasure, reading for His pleasure, praying for His pleasure.  Three million strong, all dedicating their days, health and money for Him?!  It amazes me.  It strengthens me.  It leaves me in awe of Him and those who love Him.  I thank Him for looking down at us with His pleasure and forgiveness.  You are Most Kind, O Allah.  You are Al-lateef. And I am Your humble servant, always seeking Your Love.  Allahumma Ameen.

Thank You for giving us the chance.

What are the things I loved most about my experience?

The chance to worship him for 16 days non-stop.  In all sorts of forms.  While walking. While praying. While sitting.  While circling.  While stoning.  While watching.  While seeing.  Creative ways. non-traditional ways.  Re-discovering ways.  Strengthening ways.  Alhamdulillah.  Stay strong, O self.
I didn't know I could just worship Allah for so long, and love it.  Thank you, Ya Allah.  When I went off for Hajj, I took my Qur'an with me, and knew I was going to read it.  After my first couple of hours in Medina, I thought, 'Wow, I can finish reciting the entire Qur'an on this trip.'  And I told my husband, and he was like, 'duh.'  But it hadn't occured to me before, than in 14 days, I'd have more than enough time to dedicate to reading.  And patience.  That's what I always struggle for.  And love for it.  Not just quick recitation.  Did I finish reciting?  No. :( I fell two juz's away from it.  I was distracted by looking at the people around me. And I was tested in Mina with not being able to fully concentrate in such tight quarters. I missed the expanseness of the Holy Haram.  I missed the open skies.  But that is one of the beauties of Hajj.  To test you in the most crowded situations, in the toughest situations, when you're physically spent, can't walk one more step, can't keep your eyes open one more minute.... and still you pray, and you recite, and you ask.  That is Hajj.  to make ibadah throughout all forms of testing and exertion. Next time I will complete it, inshaAllah.  Next time I'll have that knowledge in my mind, that goal, and I will reach it. This time I went without even thinking about it.  And knowledge is power.  May this benefit someone out there.

I loved the people.  I loved looking at everyone. I couldn't get my eyes full of gazing, and wondering and thinking, 'SubhanaAllah! SubhanaAllah! SubhanaAllah!'  Truly.  The first two days in Medina, I was like a staring freak.  I couldn't stop looking around.  I couldn't concentrate on my recitation.  I was taking in all the crowds, and loving it. I felt like the white person staring at the foreigner Muslim hijabi entourage.

more to come...