Friday, December 14, 2012

Hugging My Kids

This morning I dropped off my daughter at her school with a hug and then another hug and kiss.  It was a sweet moment that isn’t always repeated in our mornings.  It might seem like a routine act in your day, but for me, it’s a new routine that I’ve slowly been struggling to build more and more into my day.
Two weeks ago I read an article on hugging your kids 12 times a day, and it dawned on me that when they’re babies, my kids are getting at least 10 hugs a day, but as they grow older, those hugs grow much, much fewer, and so far in between.  When I read that article, I realized weeks go by without a real hug from me to my child, and I decided I was going to challenge myself to hugging them daily, and seeing how many hugs I can build in.  I was going to wait till I’d built a solid routine, with at least 3 hugs a day, and then I was going to report to everyone with my new achievement.
But I didn't have time to do that.  Because today I heard the news coming out of Connecticut about what is now considered the second largest school massacre in American history.  Twenty elementary aged kids murdered after their parents had dropped them off at school on a routine day.
  That image of me dropping off my seven year old early this morning at her school, giving her that morning hug that, her absorbing that hug with a hunger that she seems to always have for my physical touch, flashed across my mind.

I had a good moment today, where I savored my hug, but it doesn't always happen that way. Some mornings my girls are having really bad days, where everything manages to take twice as much time as it should, and where I end up losing my temper numerously.  On those mornings, it's been a struggle to force myself to hug them with all the angry words that have been said.  And that hug comes out forced, sometimes feels fake, but today, all I can think is alhamdulillah it's coming out.  
What if I was having one of those bad mornings with my daughters, dropping them off angrily at school, either giving a quick forced hug, or no hug at all, only to hear news that I would never see them again?  What if I was one of those parents who lost their child today, would I be wishing for one last hug where I could prove to them how much I loved them?  What if I didn't have that chance anymore, would I live the rest of my life wishing I had dropped them off at school with a smile on my face and a meaningful last look  deep into their eyes?  
Ya Allah, give me the chance to love my children in all their moods and tantrums, to be thankful for their continued presence in my life, to appreciate  Your gift at every moment of our lives together.  Ya Allah, I leave them in Your trust, so help me raise them in the best way and protect them from the evils of all Your creation. 
Moving forward, I grieve for the parents and think of what I can do with my little ones.  Think that there's little more than leaving them in Allah's trust and showing them, through hugs and otherwise, how much I treasure their presence in my life. 

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Dill Plant

I've been walking by my tiny container garden for the past few weeks not mentally registering the weedy, thin plant growing in the wrong container.  It looked like dill, but was not growing in the dill plant pot from last year, and so I ignored it. 
Today I finally gave in, stooped down and tore off a slender leaf to smell; and lo and behold, it was a dill plant! O, the joy!  I love my fresh herb garden, and especially my dill plant, which did not thrive last year.  To find it re-growing in the pot that housed my mosquito plant last year brings me great joy.  Somehow, some way, seeds fell out of the big herb pot, into this tiny side container, buried under the soil for a few dormant months, and sprouted me a fresh dill plant this season, for my edible enjoyment. 
O, the joy that we feel when we likewise plant random seeds of goodness here and there, never realizing that they have grown roots and flowered into a plant of good deeds.  The dua'a  of travel we taught a random student years ago when we were enjoying a roller coaster ride together, only to be remembered forever by her, and recounted to you ten years later.  The pot of spaghetti you cooked quickly for a new mother months ago, that sustained her during her hardest days at new motherhood.  The kind word you spoke, passingly, to a stranger, days ago, that helped him move through a moment of hardship and doubt, through a burning quest for personal understanding. 
It's moments like these, on the day of Judgment, that will come back to brighten our existence, and make us thankful for Allah's small mercies on us, for Him allowing us to throw around a good deed here and there, not realizing that it may truly have taken deep roots, flowered, and given sweet fruit and use to many around us. 
Now back to that container garden of mine; there really is nothing like a perennial herb garden, that gives and gives, year after year, without hardly any work on your behalf.  You do the initial act of planting the seed or seedling; you water it every once in a while, harvest its good leaves and flowers for flavor, and then wait for another spring to come around for that plant to come back up out of the dead ground with new growth, and plentiful use.  Do yourself a favor and plant a small garden today.  Sow your seeds of good deeds left and right, and realize that although you may never know that they took root and sprouted, they might be leaving behind a legacy that will come back out of the ashes and benefit a new generation of people after you.


Sunday, February 12, 2012

Kid Cracks Me Up

Sumayya cracks me up sometimes. 
A couple of days ago, Anas and his brother in law were visiting.  Sumayya has started this new thing where she wears her scarf in front of men/schoolmates, etc.  So , she went upstairs to changer her clothes and a while later I see her strolling into the kitchen casually with her shirt, scarf and .... underwear.  nothing on her lower half but her underclothes.  Ummmmmm......
I freaked out and covered her up.  She has no concept of internal 3aybness.  So I looked at her and said, 'Sumayya, you have a scarf on , but no pants?'
She actually stopped and thought about that and said, 'Oh, yes.' 
Alhamdulillah that made some sense.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Well-Worn Family Treasure

I sat in my halaqa the other day, and had a blast from the past moment.  I thumbed through the book we were studying, and couldn't help but be blown away for a few minutes.  I was holding in my hand a well-worn family treasure, and I was the lucky one who owned it now, even though I don't think I deserve it. But I was blown away with Allah's mercy on me, that it now lay in my hands. 
This book that I read when I was a teenager, growing up.  This book that my sisters studied while they sat with my mom in self-imposed family time.  This book that my brother wrapped with a brown paper bag and wrote on in his beautiful Arabic writing, with a typo that still designs the cover.  That my sister graffitied with her name.  That my mom stamped with her side notes, written in her tiny, unclear handwriting.  That my father thumbed through endlessly, lovingly. 
And I sit here and remember the last time it was given to me.  I had moved out to my own place, and left behind a wealth of books in my parents' storage attic, too lazy to bring it down.  I went shopping in my father's bookcase, and he sat there and happily gave me book after book, so sure that he was fulfilling me and edging me on to reading more in Arabic.  He handed me this book, the book that I loved reading in the past, but had not read in a long while, the book that my mother studied religiously, that my siblings had marked with their own marks.  At that moment, my mom put her foot down, "No, I still read that book."  And I remember how happy I was when Baba slipped it into my hands and said, 'It's ok, Fatima will read it."
I cried that day when I remembered that memory. For over two years it sat on my shelf, not read or used.  How selfish of me.  But subhanaAllah, here I am, two years later, finally using it.  I love how Allah's plans for the future play out in our past, how we can't see the reason for something, only to be surprised by it slapping us in our faces many years later. 

Waking Up in the Mornin', Mornin

I was waking up Sumayya for school the other day, and couldn't help but remembering baba and itrahhaming 3leeh.  I had a flashback to how he woke us up with a loud smile, a boisterous nature and a happy, off to the right track beginning of the morning day smile.  He'd laugh when we grumbled, covered our faces with our blankets or screamed, 'i'm getting up' for the hundredth time.  And he'd come back and wake us up again a couple more times, still happy and joking.
Flashback to the present, and here i am with my daughter, growl on my face, thinking of how much I'd rather be in bed, threatening her that if she wakes her sister or brother with her loud noise, i'll be so mad at her.  Wow! What a difference!  Your legacy still lives on Baba, and I ask Allah to reward you with us for every kick we gave and every smile/laugh you answered us with.  I try to wake Sumayya up with no growls now, no scowls, no angry countenance.  I haven't yet made it to the stage of being happy and smiley when I'm waking her up, but maybe one day soon I'll get there. 

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Parenting Lessons from the Qur'an- Experience

My 9 month old son, Hasan, has reached the stage of the 'hot cup' tradition in our household.  Once they become interested in reaching out and grabbing things, I have held each of my three children's hands and lightly let them touch my hot mug of tea.  At the same time, I reinforce the concept of its being hot with the Arabic word for 'hot' and a sound that I make to indicate it is hot.  It's my way of teaching my child, through hands on experience, a concept that I hope will protect them in the future.

I own a mus-haf (Qur'an) that includes meanings of Qur'anic words and random hadiths that relate to the verses I am reading.  One of the hadiths that I came across a while ago and thought was so striking is one that relates a Qur'anic concept which not only condones a human's need for hands on experience but allows and more importantly reinforces that human need.  There are at least three instances in the Qur'an that reinforce this concept and show the never ending mercy of Allah with us in this regard.  It sets a great example for us as parents, when our gut reaction might be to say, "Because I told you so" when a child questions us on something.  It shows us that it is an inherently human need to experience things with our own sight and physical touch, as opposed to learning about it through stories and lectures only.  And more importantly, it shows us the infinite mercy and compassion of Allah SWT to treat us with such generosity when we question basic issues of faith. 

In Surat al Baqara, we see the story of Prophet Ibrahim (pbuh), who asked Allah SWT to show him how he brings the dead back to life.  Allah SWT questions him, 'Don't you believe?'  Ibrahim replies, 'Yes, but just so that my heart is comforted.' And instead of condemning Ibrahim for a possible weakness, Allah SWT shows him physically how He is able to bring 4 birds back to life after Ibrahim has slaughtered them.  O the infinite Kindness of Allah!

In another great example of hands-on experience, Musa (as) asks Allah SWT if he can see  Him.  Allah answers him that his physical senses will not be able to behold Allah's light, but He then goes on to show him this reality.  When Allah reveals Himself to the mountain, it completely crumbles to dust, and Musa falls unconscience from the magnitude of the situation.  He realizes what a great thing he has asked of Allah SWT and returns to Allah in forgiveness. 
Again, these examples blow me away, not so much in that Allah SWT is showing us the human need for hands on experience, but more importantly, because He, in His Greatness, wants to comfort His messenegers hearts and faith, and does not condemn them for seeking a higher level of certainty (yaqeen). He doesn't condemn them for wanting to see with their own eyes what they hear with their ears and might even know with their hearts.  And I for one, know that as a parent, this is one aspect that I need to work on with my children, and even with my spouse.  I don't need to get angry and defensive when my child doesn't take my explanation for why she can't do something for granted.  I need to spend more time explaining situations to her, more time allowing her to actually go outside and get cold without her coat on, more time to realize that if she

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I recently came upon a hadith that made me think about how the Qur'an addresses parenting issues in the most minute ways.  This hadith dealt with the story of Musa (pbuh) in Surat al A'raf (verse 150) where Musa came back to his people and found them worshiping the golden calf.  The Prophet (pbuh) said,  "May Allah have mercy on Musa, (for) truly the one who experiences (with his own senses), is not like the one who (merely) hears (about an experience).  His Lord informed him that his people had gone astray after him, but he did not throw down his books.  Once he saw his people, and experienced (their sin) he threw down the books," Narrated by Ibn Abi Hatim. According to this hadith, Prophet Musa did not strongly react when he heard of his people's disobedience, because even though his mind knew, his heart did not feel it.  Once he saw them in person disobeying Allah SWT, he angrily acted out, threw down his scrolls and proceeded to grab his brother, Haroon's, head and to pull him.  As the hadith explains, nothing like some first hand  experience to make you a believer. 

Right before this story is narrated to us in Surat Al 'Araf, Allah SWT gives us another powerful example of the same lesson, a lesson on the inherent need of humans for personal, hands on experience.  In verse 143 of the same Surah, we see Musa (pbuh) conversing with Allah SWT and asking him for the favor of seeing Him in His Majesty.  Instead of rebuking Musa for this question, instead of humiliating him for making such a forward request, instead of merely dismissing him, Allah SWT tells Musa that his physical senses will not be able to behold Allah's light and then, He proceeds to allow Musa to experience this first hand.  When Allah reveals Himself to the mountain, it crumbles to dust immediately, and Musa immediately loses consciousness.  This story amazes me on so many different levels, most importantly in Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala's patience with His servant's human need for personal experience, for hands on learning.  As a parent, I can only walk away with great lessons on patience and forbearance from these examples.

In another classic example of this human need for first hand/hands on learning experiences, we see the story of Prophet Ibrahim (pbuh) in Surat Al Baqara when he asks Allah SWT to show him how he brings the dead back to life.   Allah SWT questions him, 'Don't you believe?'  Ibrahim replies, 'Yes, but just so that my heart is comforted.' Instead of condemning Ibrahim for a possible weakness, instead of rebuking him, instead of dismissing him, Allah SWT shows him physically how He is able to bring 4 birds back to life after Ibrahim has slaughtered them. 

As a wife and mother, I need to walk away with many lessons from these stories.  I need to walk away with a more forbearing attitude with my daughter when she questions my decisions.  I need to walk away from controlling my husband's actions when he decides to something differently than I do.  I need to let my infant son lightly touch the hot mug of tea in my hands to experience the heat coming from it, to realize that there is a reason I am not letting him play with it.  I need to allow my preschooler daughter to question my knowledge, I need to allow her to experience first hand some of her mistakes and much more importantly, I need to do it with an open-heart and accepting attitude.  I realize that many times it's much easier said than done, but what greater example can we have to follow than that of our Creator with His closest servants- Prophets Ibrahim and Musa (pbut).