Take One Step To Me...

My four year old daughter walks up to me and holds out her pajamas. "Mama, fix them for me," she says, indicating that her pjs are inside out. I get really annoyed. "Sumayya, do them yourself," I tell her. She gets annoyed and throws a small tantrum. And then I remind her to stick her hand in the sleeves and pull her hand out; it'll fix itself that way. She gives it a sincere try, and sometimes it works for her. When it's really complicated, I jump at the first sign that she gave it a try and help her out. All I want is for her to show me that she's willing to try. Then I'll help her. It doesn't matter to me how simple, how feeble her try is (though at least somewhat sincere), I want to help her out. I want to help her out, I really do, but I want her to show me that she's trying.

And so it is with Allah SWT, though we can't compare ourselves to Him in any degree. All He wants us to do is try. Give it a try. Make the effort. Show that you sincerely want to succeed, that you sincerely want to do this thing. Take the first step. Move out of your hole. Pick up that book on time management, sign up for that course on self-control, set up a schedule for yourself, set the alarm for fajr... And then He'll give us a thousand chances, help us out in a thousand ways, pull us out of our rut, out of our hole, and to success.... Show that we really care, and then He'll give us the lifeline, the rest of the steps.


I promise myself to start working on my patience, on my time management, on my home management, so that He can help me. Find out tips for patience, read up on and start implementing time management strategies, spend those fifteen minutes a day cleaning...

O Allah , you are my Lord. Bless me and give me sincerity and all that is good.

Pumpkins and Acorns

Something trivial and maybe insignificant, but I was on a trip with an American Muslim friend to a farm about a month ago. She bought a couple of gourds and squashes, and I asked her what she was going to cook with them. She told me, "No, they're for decoration."
For an instant, my heart closed up, and I thought, 'Huh, I thought she was religious." My mind instantly associated the gourd decor with Halloween.
But alhamdulillah, I had a window of understanding opened, and inshaAllah a bit of stereotyping removed.
I went to another farm a couple of weeks later, and on leaving, they had a few pumpkins and gourds up, and told each person to take one with them. But the pumpkins and gourds clearly said, "Not for cooking."
"Huh", I thought. "I guess I'll take them and put them out as decorations." Not Halloween, but a celebration of Allah's creation. Of His magnificent orange, and yellow and green creations. Of these smooth pumpkins, and amazingly textured gourds. Of the curves, the bumps, the melding of yellow into green, the curved into straight, the strength and the amazing beauty.

Just like I have my acorns and pinecones decorating, my flowers and my seashells, my water and my plants, I have my pumpkin and gourds. An experience for my daughters to bring in the colors of autumn, the colors of Allah's creation.


PS: (I guess my point is that some of us immigrant muslims grew up with this thought that pumpkins are bad, turkeys are bad. :) not that black and white, but you know what i mean. It's just another beautiful manifestation of our American culture, which slowly, we'll be able to come and put on as our own clothing, our own culture, and realize that it's about celebrating Allah SWT, celebrating His bounties, His ability to create people with different cultures. I really liked a friend's comment on Halloween&celebrating it, and she reminded us that this time of the year, October/November, is harvest time around many parts of the world. And for a world that was so dependent on the harvest for thousands of years, there is an amount of recognition placed on this harvest and His bounties on us during this time. Our connection to His earth and His creation.
Rabbi zidna 3lma.)

Getting Ready for Hajj

It's four more days before I head out on the greatest journey of my life. Three weeks ago, I kept on saying, I nee/d to start reading, but I didn't find/make time. And I said, "Three weeks? That's plenty of time."
Now, predictably, I'm upset at myself that I put so much emphasis on preparing the materialistic and not the spiritual, not the knowlede-ful, ibadah-ful part of my hajj. But alhamduillah, today I woke up nice and early, and the girls are still asleep, and got to read Mamdouh Mohamed, 'Hajj&Umrah: from A to Z.' Basic, but so well put together and explained and to the point, may Allah reward him.

And subhanaAllah, everytime I read about tawaf al wadaa3 (the farewell tawaf), I cry. I only have a few short days in Makkah, and Mina, and Arafat and Medina, and bidding farewell before I've even started makes my heart yearn. Oh Allah, accept from us and don't let it be our final call to this land.

Some of my intentions for this hajj:
O Allah , accept from me my answer to your call to make hajj to Your Holy place. Accept it from me purely for your sake, and make it a blessed journey.

O Allah, I hope to use this journey as a way to practice my patience, to learn my patience, to strengthen my resolve and ability to be patient with my daughters, my mothers, everyone. Give me this patience in hajj so that I am not one of those who argue and fight. Give me this patience so that I am not an angry person. Give me this resolve inside of me, so that I always remember my niyyah to you, and patiently accept the bad character of people. I do not want to come back an angry, bottled up mother who yells at her young 4 year old and 2 year old. I want to smile in their face, handle their tantrums with love and a sincere hope that they grow up with the beautiful akhlaq that You and Your messenger taught us ya rabb al 3alameen.

O Allah, I intend to see Your servants from all over the world, so that I can count Your power and Your blessings on us. I want to get to know them, marvel in their differences, in their organization, their lack of it, their dedication to You, their knowledge of You, and their lack of knowledge of things. I want to say alhamdulillah and subhanaAllah. The greatness of the diversity that You have created.

O Allah, I want to visit the holy places that Your prophet visited, to remember that this land was inhabited by thousands of generations before me, ; that I am a nobody in this sea, and yet a somebody in Your eyes. I want to grow closer to you ya Allah. Please give me this taqwa.

I want to remember my closeness to you on my first visit to Your House, when I was not necessarily large in spirit, but You brought me close to You, in spite of me, and made me realize Your presence and Your closeness to me. Ya Allah, give me that taqwa, that knowledge on this trip so that it will carry me over for a lifetime.

Ya Allah, I want to come back a changed person, who does not go back to yelling, impatience, wasting time. Give me that patience, help me practice it in Hajj, and afterwards. Test me, but help me overcome that test.

Ya Allah, give me a love of my husband , and a closeness to him on this trip so that we may always remain connected and close.


Give me a reverance of Your house, your masha3ir, and understanding, and knowledge min ladunka ya rabb al 3alameen. I praise You for the few moments of understanding that You have given me, undeservingly, but because You are al Kareem, the Most Generous; moments of understanding that have held me over and pulled me through and kept me flying through the years. Give me the sincerity in every step I take and every thing I do.

O Allah, fill my heart with overflowing love for You.

Your servant,
fatima

Tired

I want to write so much, but i'm so tired. Another day inshaAllah...

Hajj preparations: i'm buying so much and not spending enough time reading, writing, getting into it spiritually. five more days inshaallah.

Autumn Leaves and Kids

I took Sumayya and Shifaa to the park the other day, in hopes they'd entertain themselves with all the fallen leaves. Sumayya, "How, mama?" Me, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa."

So anyways, I later got the idea to have the girls grab their baskets, go outside and collect leaves of different colors and shapes. We did that, and could have spent alot more time on it, but it was raining that day. Today, we stayed home and actually did some things with those leaves, and I'm so happy alhamdulillah. I hardly ever feel like I'm doing something useful with Sumayya, so this was a good experience that I want to record so that I'll remember some other plans I have.

Basically we took a few different shapes of leaves and did markings of them on paper with the wide side of different colored crayons. Sumayya got the hang of it and actually wanted to keep on going, which is a rarity with her when it comes to artistic/crayon-associated projects. We also got into talking about the veins of the leaves, their job and compared them to human veins. Sumayya was interested mashaAllah. :)

Some other things hope to do inshaAllah:

• Leaf/tree identification.
  
• go out and collect many, many more leaves.
  
• wax meltings of leaves and wax crayons shavings . (leaves/crayons between wax paper, iron to melt them together).
  
• God's Characteristics: Al Musawwir (all the different leaf shapes out there, leaf colors, trees, etc!.) The qur'anic verse on " No leaf drops but He is aware of it...).
• Leaf in basket collection: collect many more!
• Rake up leaves and jump in! (this is when a child sized rake would be useful.... for eid?)

Now, maybe with getting her engrossed into leaves and playing with them at home, she'll have more ideas on how to play with them on her own out in the park... And that's basically how it works, if you know something, you have power over it, you're able to identify it, see it, know it, do something with it. But if its a big blob of nothing that you see everyday but don't 'know', don't have interaction with, you'll just pass by it everyday without taking it in....

Asbah ala kheerr..... time for sleep.