Getting Ready for Hajj

It's four more days before I head out on the greatest journey of my life. Three weeks ago, I kept on saying, I nee/d to start reading, but I didn't find/make time. And I said, "Three weeks? That's plenty of time."
Now, predictably, I'm upset at myself that I put so much emphasis on preparing the materialistic and not the spiritual, not the knowlede-ful, ibadah-ful part of my hajj. But alhamduillah, today I woke up nice and early, and the girls are still asleep, and got to read Mamdouh Mohamed, 'Hajj&Umrah: from A to Z.' Basic, but so well put together and explained and to the point, may Allah reward him.

And subhanaAllah, everytime I read about tawaf al wadaa3 (the farewell tawaf), I cry. I only have a few short days in Makkah, and Mina, and Arafat and Medina, and bidding farewell before I've even started makes my heart yearn. Oh Allah, accept from us and don't let it be our final call to this land.

Some of my intentions for this hajj:
O Allah , accept from me my answer to your call to make hajj to Your Holy place. Accept it from me purely for your sake, and make it a blessed journey.

O Allah, I hope to use this journey as a way to practice my patience, to learn my patience, to strengthen my resolve and ability to be patient with my daughters, my mothers, everyone. Give me this patience in hajj so that I am not one of those who argue and fight. Give me this patience so that I am not an angry person. Give me this resolve inside of me, so that I always remember my niyyah to you, and patiently accept the bad character of people. I do not want to come back an angry, bottled up mother who yells at her young 4 year old and 2 year old. I want to smile in their face, handle their tantrums with love and a sincere hope that they grow up with the beautiful akhlaq that You and Your messenger taught us ya rabb al 3alameen.

O Allah, I intend to see Your servants from all over the world, so that I can count Your power and Your blessings on us. I want to get to know them, marvel in their differences, in their organization, their lack of it, their dedication to You, their knowledge of You, and their lack of knowledge of things. I want to say alhamdulillah and subhanaAllah. The greatness of the diversity that You have created.

O Allah, I want to visit the holy places that Your prophet visited, to remember that this land was inhabited by thousands of generations before me, ; that I am a nobody in this sea, and yet a somebody in Your eyes. I want to grow closer to you ya Allah. Please give me this taqwa.

I want to remember my closeness to you on my first visit to Your House, when I was not necessarily large in spirit, but You brought me close to You, in spite of me, and made me realize Your presence and Your closeness to me. Ya Allah, give me that taqwa, that knowledge on this trip so that it will carry me over for a lifetime.

Ya Allah, I want to come back a changed person, who does not go back to yelling, impatience, wasting time. Give me that patience, help me practice it in Hajj, and afterwards. Test me, but help me overcome that test.

Ya Allah, give me a love of my husband , and a closeness to him on this trip so that we may always remain connected and close.


Give me a reverance of Your house, your masha3ir, and understanding, and knowledge min ladunka ya rabb al 3alameen. I praise You for the few moments of understanding that You have given me, undeservingly, but because You are al Kareem, the Most Generous; moments of understanding that have held me over and pulled me through and kept me flying through the years. Give me the sincerity in every step I take and every thing I do.

O Allah, fill my heart with overflowing love for You.

Your servant,
fatima