Salaam Baba

I've been dreaming about you during these last few weeks... Nothing that I believe is significant.  But I'm always thinking about you.  And for some weird reason, each time, we know you're going to die, but you're alive at that moment, and we hug and are happy.

This last time you finally looked healthy.  Not thin and frail like you did in your last couple of months, like I saw you in my first two dreams.  Maybe your memory is getting farther from my mind, and that's why I'm not seeing the real you.  But the real you is alive inside of me.

Last time you actually came back from death.  Ridiculous, I know.  But in the dream everyone told us it could never happen, but it did.  And you were alive, after being gone for a couple of hours in the hospital, alive, sitting in your bed, and having a regular conversation with mama and I.  Except that it wasn't that regular.  It was one of our discussions, again, about having visitors.  Again, mama wanted to keep everyone at bay, but you and I wanted to give people a chance to come in and say their good byes to you.  Weird, but that's what I dreamt.  And in the dream, I knew something wasn't normal, but it was real to me, and possible.  And I was happy to see you talking and in full health.

I miss you so much baba.  I'm so sorry I didn't give you more of myself.  Allah yirhamak.  I ask Allah SWT to accept you with the saaliheen and to grant me the chance to meet with you in the highest station in Jannah.  You pushed yourself to the utmost, and I plan to take a little bit of your energy and channel it into my daily life.  I haven't reached your determination, but I thank you for giving me a push, with your death.  Allah yirhamak.  Miss you.

fatima