Parenting Lessons from the Qur'an- Experience

My 9 month old son, Hasan, has reached the stage of the 'hot cup' tradition in our household.  Once they become interested in reaching out and grabbing things, I have held each of my three children's hands and lightly let them touch my hot mug of tea.  At the same time, I reinforce the concept of its being hot with the Arabic word for 'hot' and a sound that I make to indicate it is hot.  It's my way of teaching my child, through hands on experience, a concept that I hope will protect them in the future.

I own a mus-haf (Qur'an) that includes meanings of Qur'anic words and random hadiths that relate to the verses I am reading.  One of the hadiths that I came across a while ago and thought was so striking is one that relates a Qur'anic concept which not only condones a human's need for hands on experience but allows and more importantly reinforces that human need.  There are at least three instances in the Qur'an that reinforce this concept and show the never ending mercy of Allah with us in this regard.  It sets a great example for us as parents, when our gut reaction might be to say, "Because I told you so" when a child questions us on something.  It shows us that it is an inherently human need to experience things with our own sight and physical touch, as opposed to learning about it through stories and lectures only.  And more importantly, it shows us the infinite mercy and compassion of Allah SWT to treat us with such generosity when we question basic issues of faith. 

In Surat al Baqara, we see the story of Prophet Ibrahim (pbuh), who asked Allah SWT to show him how he brings the dead back to life.  Allah SWT questions him, 'Don't you believe?'  Ibrahim replies, 'Yes, but just so that my heart is comforted.' And instead of condemning Ibrahim for a possible weakness, Allah SWT shows him physically how He is able to bring 4 birds back to life after Ibrahim has slaughtered them.  O the infinite Kindness of Allah!

In another great example of hands-on experience, Musa (as) asks Allah SWT if he can see  Him.  Allah answers him that his physical senses will not be able to behold Allah's light, but He then goes on to show him this reality.  When Allah reveals Himself to the mountain, it completely crumbles to dust, and Musa falls unconscience from the magnitude of the situation.  He realizes what a great thing he has asked of Allah SWT and returns to Allah in forgiveness. 
Again, these examples blow me away, not so much in that Allah SWT is showing us the human need for hands on experience, but more importantly, because He, in His Greatness, wants to comfort His messenegers hearts and faith, and does not condemn them for seeking a higher level of certainty (yaqeen). He doesn't condemn them for wanting to see with their own eyes what they hear with their ears and might even know with their hearts.  And I for one, know that as a parent, this is one aspect that I need to work on with my children, and even with my spouse.  I don't need to get angry and defensive when my child doesn't take my explanation for why she can't do something for granted.  I need to spend more time explaining situations to her, more time allowing her to actually go outside and get cold without her coat on, more time to realize that if she

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I recently came upon a hadith that made me think about how the Qur'an addresses parenting issues in the most minute ways.  This hadith dealt with the story of Musa (pbuh) in Surat al A'raf (verse 150) where Musa came back to his people and found them worshiping the golden calf.  The Prophet (pbuh) said,  "May Allah have mercy on Musa, (for) truly the one who experiences (with his own senses), is not like the one who (merely) hears (about an experience).  His Lord informed him that his people had gone astray after him, but he did not throw down his books.  Once he saw his people, and experienced (their sin) he threw down the books," Narrated by Ibn Abi Hatim. According to this hadith, Prophet Musa did not strongly react when he heard of his people's disobedience, because even though his mind knew, his heart did not feel it.  Once he saw them in person disobeying Allah SWT, he angrily acted out, threw down his scrolls and proceeded to grab his brother, Haroon's, head and to pull him.  As the hadith explains, nothing like some first hand  experience to make you a believer. 

Right before this story is narrated to us in Surat Al 'Araf, Allah SWT gives us another powerful example of the same lesson, a lesson on the inherent need of humans for personal, hands on experience.  In verse 143 of the same Surah, we see Musa (pbuh) conversing with Allah SWT and asking him for the favor of seeing Him in His Majesty.  Instead of rebuking Musa for this question, instead of humiliating him for making such a forward request, instead of merely dismissing him, Allah SWT tells Musa that his physical senses will not be able to behold Allah's light and then, He proceeds to allow Musa to experience this first hand.  When Allah reveals Himself to the mountain, it crumbles to dust immediately, and Musa immediately loses consciousness.  This story amazes me on so many different levels, most importantly in Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala's patience with His servant's human need for personal experience, for hands on learning.  As a parent, I can only walk away with great lessons on patience and forbearance from these examples.

In another classic example of this human need for first hand/hands on learning experiences, we see the story of Prophet Ibrahim (pbuh) in Surat Al Baqara when he asks Allah SWT to show him how he brings the dead back to life.   Allah SWT questions him, 'Don't you believe?'  Ibrahim replies, 'Yes, but just so that my heart is comforted.' Instead of condemning Ibrahim for a possible weakness, instead of rebuking him, instead of dismissing him, Allah SWT shows him physically how He is able to bring 4 birds back to life after Ibrahim has slaughtered them. 

As a wife and mother, I need to walk away with many lessons from these stories.  I need to walk away with a more forbearing attitude with my daughter when she questions my decisions.  I need to walk away from controlling my husband's actions when he decides to something differently than I do.  I need to let my infant son lightly touch the hot mug of tea in my hands to experience the heat coming from it, to realize that there is a reason I am not letting him play with it.  I need to allow my preschooler daughter to question my knowledge, I need to allow her to experience first hand some of her mistakes and much more importantly, I need to do it with an open-heart and accepting attitude.  I realize that many times it's much easier said than done, but what greater example can we have to follow than that of our Creator with His closest servants- Prophets Ibrahim and Musa (pbut).

Discovering Myself?

I know, it sounds so tacky, but I need to write down things that I learn about myself so that I can help myself figure out what i like and what i want to do to develop myself inshaAllah.

• I know that i'm pretty good at organizing events. 
• pretty good at marketing events/ideas/thoughts. 
• like working with youth. 
• ok/good at translating and have lots of experience with this. 
• good at navigating internet and using it. 
• good at playing competitive games with my kids (Spot It!)- this is important b/c i've been trying to find ways that i can do quality, fun time with the kids, and i feel bad that i'm not really into the craft scene. 
• i can read Qur'an with tajweed well alhamdulillah. 
• i'm not bad at reading and presenting on islamic topics, but i need a push. it's one of those things that i'd rather sit back and relax and not push myself to undergo the stress of it.

Trying New Things

I can't say I'm on a roll yet, but for the last 4 mornings, I've woken up at 6/6:30 am, and stayed up for the rest of the day, and i LOVE my ME time.  That's exactly what it is, I wake up, pray, and then sit and read a book in complete silence, without feeling like i'm ignoring a kid's needs.  It's addictive and I can't get enough of it, and it ends too soon with (usually) Hasan waking up, or (today) Sumayya waking up with a loose tooth.

The only possible (downside) is that I can't stay awake past 9 pm, which i gotta work on.  Esp when Saif stays up till 1, 2 and 3 am every night.  But on an upside, I've actually made an effort to clean the kitchen up before I go to sleep the last 2-3 nights, and again, it's really difficult when you can't stay up, but it feels SO good after the fact.  Props for that goes to my sis in law, Maha, who we just came back from visiting in Michigan.

And props for me waking up early goes to two 'things'.  1. ZenHabits blog (www.zenhabits.net)- who encourages early waking up and tells you to do ANYTHING you like to help you do it (props to Maha again for directing me to this site) and 2. the anything i like that helped me get up the first day or two.....WWF!!! That's Words With Friends, a scrabble type game on my Android.  Thanks to Afnan for getting me hooked!  I don't do this first thing in the morning anymore, but it helped get me to do it the first couple of days when I seriously needed a push. 

My whole (motherhood) life, I've FEARED the idea of waking up early b/c I didn't think I'd have the energy to continue with my kids during the long day, but alhamdulillah, i'm doing well!!!! 

And back to the final inspiration to stay on this course of waking up early: my ISLAM! which has always taught us that there is complete baraka in those early hours.  Ya rabb, please help me stay the course and benefit from my early morning hours, with your thikr, praises and husn ibadah.

Mama Hekmat

wish i could tell you baba that mama hekmat passed away, and console you and itrahham 3leeha together, but you and her are in it together now.  I ask Allah SWT to bless her and gather her with all the good people, to accept her good deeds and mulitply them and to forgive her sins and overlook them.  Ya Allah, ighfir laha warhamha wa anta khayrul rahimeen.  Allahumma ameen.

July 22nd, 2011

first july 22nd without my baba.  Allah yerhamak.  thinkin of deeja on this day, must be lonely for her. 
had a short qiyam at the mascc and saw baba during his last ramadan standing there giving one of his last khawatir. 
lots on my mind this ramadan, as baba vividly was a part of my memory last ramadan.  will write more inshaAllah. 

Where do Words Come From?

Sumayya wants to know who named the animals with their specific names?  ....

Who invented language? Was it when Allah SWT taught Adam the names of all things? Was that the teaching of the concept of speech and language?

Yellow Socks

Yesterday Shifaa was visiting mama in the hospital.  "Giddu Esam Allah yerhamu kaan laabi shurab abyad," she said as she noted Teta's white hospital socks. 

The nurse noted that yellow socks denote that the patient is a fall risk....