Alhamdulillah, i'm heading for hajj this year, first time. i'm nervous. i wonder if i'll be able to fill my days with ibadah, or if i won't have the patience and iman to do that. i wonder if it will be accepted. i wonder if i forced myself and husband into it. But I thank Allah swt for giving me the opportunity and i hope to make the best of it and to do it for His sake and none else's.
and i'm especially thankful to my mum and sisters for taking care of the girls. i'll be making lots of dua'a for you guys. so keep patient to get the reward. :)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
God is Most Gentle with His Servants-Allah Lateefun Bi'ibadiah
I like to record serious events in my life that had an impact on me, even for a few seconds, just to be a constant, written reminder of how exactly I was feeling when it first happened-so I will not forget. Because humans are forgetful, even when death stares them in the face, and they see it, and it strips them of all their power; once it's passed, they forget.
Yesterday was the strongest near- death experience I've had; not the first one, but the scariest, the one that most left me weak to my bones, strained in my neck, unable to move.
I was visiting a friend in Germantown MD to console her on her mother in law's loss. Driving back home with two of my sisters, we found ourselves lost for a bit and following a longer route home. We were laughing and talking and having a good time togeher. At Democracy Blvd, off of 270 South, I noticed that the dark highway was unusually empty, and I was relieved. I hate driving at night on busy, unfamiliar roads, with night lights blinding me, and me not knowing if I'm changing lanes into an empty lane or whether the car is actually two lanes over.
Past that Democracy Blvd exit, I was stuck behind a slower moving truck, perhaps going at 50 mph. I finally broke free and switched over to the left lane, pressing on the gas and keeping a bit of a distance from the truck on my right, and inching a bit closer to the concrete highway median to my left. I noticed a car behind me, and some lights in front of me. Smiling, my mind made me understand that these lights were from the cars driving down the other side of the highway. It was dark, but there were two white headlights lighting my road.
And then my mind realized that my sister Maryam was moaning, 'Fatima, watch out.'
It clicked.
Those two headlights were heading straight down the dark highway towards me. I was going 70, it was going fast, steady, straight down that highway. I had just passed the truck to my right, but I had no other choice. I violently pulled my steering wheel to the right, then quickly back to the left to keep out of the truck's direct path. I had no idea what was happening around me, but my SUV swerved right and left and right and left till we had passed danger.
I was spent. I could not believe what had just happened. The truck behind me slowed down to 10 mph, the car behind me too. That's all i saw in the rearview mirror. I was shaken. I couldn't press the gas, i couldn't keep my hands steady. Slowly, those two cars overtook me and long passed me. But I stayed at my 30 mph on the highway speed. My voice shook as I talked to my sisters. We couldn't believe what had just happenend. We hashed and rehashed what had just happened. I tried to steady my shaking voice; I thought I was the only one so scared. Had to toughen up.
We called 911 and they switched us over to the police dispatch. He informed us that they had gotten 3 other calls on the same car. Good. But they hadn't yet done anything to stop him. What was he? How the hell did he get on the closed highway? What was he trying to do? Suicide? An automotive version of Russian roulette? Gang or fraternity initiation? Probably not drunk. He was heading straight down that lane. No swerving left or right. Steady.
By the time I got home to my parents, I thanked God that it wasn't three deaths at once. All I could think of was that a head on collision like that would have flipped my car far, far ahead and killed us all, starting with my kid sister in the back seat with no seat belt. All I could think of was, Allah Lateefun bi'ibadih. He saved me from a violent, ugly death. And He truly saved me. He guarded me from in front of me, from the right of me, from the left of me, from behind me. I swerved from that car's way, but I swerved right into another vehicle's path. I was going for the lesser of the two evils, for a seriously scratched up car, but God had better plans. He protected me, He gave me another chance to thank Him, to realize His Mercy, His Gentleness, His power.
alhamduilllah rabbil 3alameen.
Yesterday was the strongest near- death experience I've had; not the first one, but the scariest, the one that most left me weak to my bones, strained in my neck, unable to move.
I was visiting a friend in Germantown MD to console her on her mother in law's loss. Driving back home with two of my sisters, we found ourselves lost for a bit and following a longer route home. We were laughing and talking and having a good time togeher. At Democracy Blvd, off of 270 South, I noticed that the dark highway was unusually empty, and I was relieved. I hate driving at night on busy, unfamiliar roads, with night lights blinding me, and me not knowing if I'm changing lanes into an empty lane or whether the car is actually two lanes over.
Past that Democracy Blvd exit, I was stuck behind a slower moving truck, perhaps going at 50 mph. I finally broke free and switched over to the left lane, pressing on the gas and keeping a bit of a distance from the truck on my right, and inching a bit closer to the concrete highway median to my left. I noticed a car behind me, and some lights in front of me. Smiling, my mind made me understand that these lights were from the cars driving down the other side of the highway. It was dark, but there were two white headlights lighting my road.
And then my mind realized that my sister Maryam was moaning, 'Fatima, watch out.'
It clicked.
Those two headlights were heading straight down the dark highway towards me. I was going 70, it was going fast, steady, straight down that highway. I had just passed the truck to my right, but I had no other choice. I violently pulled my steering wheel to the right, then quickly back to the left to keep out of the truck's direct path. I had no idea what was happening around me, but my SUV swerved right and left and right and left till we had passed danger.
I was spent. I could not believe what had just happened. The truck behind me slowed down to 10 mph, the car behind me too. That's all i saw in the rearview mirror. I was shaken. I couldn't press the gas, i couldn't keep my hands steady. Slowly, those two cars overtook me and long passed me. But I stayed at my 30 mph on the highway speed. My voice shook as I talked to my sisters. We couldn't believe what had just happenend. We hashed and rehashed what had just happened. I tried to steady my shaking voice; I thought I was the only one so scared. Had to toughen up.
We called 911 and they switched us over to the police dispatch. He informed us that they had gotten 3 other calls on the same car. Good. But they hadn't yet done anything to stop him. What was he? How the hell did he get on the closed highway? What was he trying to do? Suicide? An automotive version of Russian roulette? Gang or fraternity initiation? Probably not drunk. He was heading straight down that lane. No swerving left or right. Steady.
By the time I got home to my parents, I thanked God that it wasn't three deaths at once. All I could think of was that a head on collision like that would have flipped my car far, far ahead and killed us all, starting with my kid sister in the back seat with no seat belt. All I could think of was, Allah Lateefun bi'ibadih. He saved me from a violent, ugly death. And He truly saved me. He guarded me from in front of me, from the right of me, from the left of me, from behind me. I swerved from that car's way, but I swerved right into another vehicle's path. I was going for the lesser of the two evils, for a seriously scratched up car, but God had better plans. He protected me, He gave me another chance to thank Him, to realize His Mercy, His Gentleness, His power.
alhamduilllah rabbil 3alameen.
I-270 Driver Going Wrong Direction
Did anyone else see this scary seen on 270 South past Democracy Blvd around 10:40 pm on Monday night, October 20th 2009? If so, I'd like to touch base and see what you saw.
My sisters and I saw death barreling down on us, but were saved by our guardian angels and Most Gentle Creator.
My sisters and I saw death barreling down on us, but were saved by our guardian angels and Most Gentle Creator.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Ramadan Memories...
Ramadan Memories and Ramadan Spirit.
There is one memory that jumps to my mind when I think of Ramadan, and most importantly when I think of the spirit of Ramadan. I grew up in the States, so the one Ramadan that I spent in Egypt as an adult was a new experience. I was never sure if it beat my Ramadans back home in America, but this one memory of Ramadan in Egypt fills me with happiness and the spirit of racing to do good that Ramadan inspires in all of us... (wa fee thalika fal yatanafas il mutanafisun- And in that, let them compete).
One day, my husband and I were invited for Ramadan iftar at my second cousin's home near the Al Malik Al Salih (Pious King) metro stop in Old Cairo. I don't remember the metro ride, I don't even remember if it was the metro we took, but I do remember the rest of the story from the moment we stepped out of the metro station into the sandy, brown neighborhood streets of Al Malik Al Salih neighborhood.
It was dusk time, maghrib time, and the streets were yellow with the last rays of the setting sun. The sound of athan had just faded from the horizon, and the streets were quiet, minus the sound of honking cars and screaming merchants. And yet, in our faces were about 4 or 5 young men and boys, each one handing us a small cup full of milk and a plate covered with dates. I was overwhelmed at first; it took me a few seconds to realize they were offering me my iftar dates, my fast-breaker. They realized that it was iftar time, that these last lingering metro riders had probably not broken their fast; and they raced against each other to give my husband and I that first date and sip of milk, so they could receive the reward of feeding a fasting person.
Until today, I am overwhelmed with feelings every time I think of it. I have to be honest with you, I couldn't drink from that cup of milk because I was a bit spoiled and had no idea where that cup or that milk had been, and I can't even remember if I had the stomach to eat the uncovered dates. But until today, I ask Allah to reward those boys and men for giving me a taste of the spirit of Ramadan, a taste of the meaning of racing forth to do good deeds, a taste of competing with each other in all that is good.
Six Ramadans later, I remember their faces, their outstretched arms, their desire to feed me, and I say alhamdulillah for the spirit of goodness in our ummah.
May Allah bless this Ramadan for you and I, and may He increase our desire to give generously like the blowing wind.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Different Personalities...and the Bathroom
SubhanaAllah, Allah blessed me with two different girls and two completely different personalities. I know this might be a bit too graphic, but you can really see their differences of style in the bathroom!
My oldest daughter is so outgoing; she does not understand the concept of shyness or embarrassment. I know, it still surprises me, but she totally gets that character trait from her father. MashaAllah, I should try to learn how to help her take advantage of it.... She can be sooo cute sometimes, and apparently so overbearing, as my sisters let me know.
But when she used to do #2 in her diaper as a baby, she used to do it in front of the whole world, not even thinking twice about it. And now as a four year old, she wants me to stay with her in the bathroom and converse while she's going full speed. I have to teach her to be on her own.
With my second daughter, it was a bigger challenge potty training her. She would hide whenever she wanted to use the bathroom, and though I remember my younger siblings doing that as well, it surprised me how children could understand the concept of hayaa'a, shyness/modesty/embarressment. And now that she uses the potty (only for #2), she'll make sure I leave her alone. "Mama, ruhi, wi2filee il baab." "Mama, go and shut the door."
hahaha, i love it, and subhanaAllah, she is generally a shy kid in public, if she is first being introduced to a new group of people.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Life of A Parking Space
I stood outside with my daughters, one snowy and icy day, cleaning off our black SUV with the new, long, double sided snow brush my husband had sent us long distance through Amazon.
Just the day before, I had complained to him that he had thrown away my broken snow brush last summer when he was cleaning out our old Volvo, getting it ready to be detailed and sold. I told him not to throw it away, that one day I would wake up and find snow, and no brush to clean off that snow with.
And I was right, the season's first snow had falled and melted, and I had had to clean the car with the back of my coat sleeve. Now the second snow fall had arrived, and it was much hardier than the first one-no back of sleeves wipe would do the trick for me. And so I complained to my husband that night, as I stayed snowed in my apartment with my two little ones, trying to entertain them and remain sane.
"I'm stuck without a snow brush. Thanks hubby. What am I supposed to do tomorrow morning when I try to go out?!"
And so, my new snowbrush arrived the next day by mail. Nice, sleek and long.
And we stood outside in our apartment parking lot, me cornering my two year old so she wouldn't run out into the street and watching my 3.5 year old trying to clean the snow off the car with her new toy.
And we watched one parking spot, two cars down from ours, fill up with a white Camry after having stood empty for a while. Ten minutes later, its driver returned and drove away, leaving the spot empty again. Two minutes later, that spot filled up again-this time with a silver Passat. And within minutes, its driver had returned and drove away to another destination. And there I stood with my little sumy, brushing away at that snow, breaking up those clumps of ice. And in drove the third car, a navy blue Volvo V70 and parked. All within 20 minutes of my stand. Twenty minutes, three cars, one parking spot. And one on-looker who watched it all.
Standing in one spot, and seeing another spots dramatic, quick changes, all within minutes was symbolic to me. Amazing, changes come and go, pass by us, and we remain standing, watching, waiting, hoping.
Just the day before, I had complained to him that he had thrown away my broken snow brush last summer when he was cleaning out our old Volvo, getting it ready to be detailed and sold. I told him not to throw it away, that one day I would wake up and find snow, and no brush to clean off that snow with.
And I was right, the season's first snow had falled and melted, and I had had to clean the car with the back of my coat sleeve. Now the second snow fall had arrived, and it was much hardier than the first one-no back of sleeves wipe would do the trick for me. And so I complained to my husband that night, as I stayed snowed in my apartment with my two little ones, trying to entertain them and remain sane.
"I'm stuck without a snow brush. Thanks hubby. What am I supposed to do tomorrow morning when I try to go out?!"
And so, my new snowbrush arrived the next day by mail. Nice, sleek and long.
And we stood outside in our apartment parking lot, me cornering my two year old so she wouldn't run out into the street and watching my 3.5 year old trying to clean the snow off the car with her new toy.
And we watched one parking spot, two cars down from ours, fill up with a white Camry after having stood empty for a while. Ten minutes later, its driver returned and drove away, leaving the spot empty again. Two minutes later, that spot filled up again-this time with a silver Passat. And within minutes, its driver had returned and drove away to another destination. And there I stood with my little sumy, brushing away at that snow, breaking up those clumps of ice. And in drove the third car, a navy blue Volvo V70 and parked. All within 20 minutes of my stand. Twenty minutes, three cars, one parking spot. And one on-looker who watched it all.
Standing in one spot, and seeing another spots dramatic, quick changes, all within minutes was symbolic to me. Amazing, changes come and go, pass by us, and we remain standing, watching, waiting, hoping.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Happiness
I got a compliment from my almost four year old daughter the other day, and it lit up my world, brightened up my day. It was the first compliment I've gotten from her, and I didn't imagine that little children could notice these things, and that their appreciation would make me so happy.
I was walking outside our apartment door, ready to take my daughters and husband on a couple of trips before I went out alone to an old friend's baby shower. As I walked out the door in my purple jilbab and silver-lined, purple scarf, my little daughter looked up to me and said, 'You look beautiful, mama. I like what you're wearing." I smiled this deep, heart-felt smile. "Thanks, Samsoum." And it kept me smiling for the rest of the day. It gave me a bit of confidence in my step as I walked into the baby shower that day.
Thank you for giving me confidence, dear daughter, thank you for bringing a real smile to my face.
There's just something about a child's true, unadulterated honesty, something about a young one's compliments that can never be replicated by any adult compliment, for in a child's compliment you detect true appreciation, unadulterated by any feelings of being kind. 100% honesty. Children, the true brightness in our horizon.
I was walking outside our apartment door, ready to take my daughters and husband on a couple of trips before I went out alone to an old friend's baby shower. As I walked out the door in my purple jilbab and silver-lined, purple scarf, my little daughter looked up to me and said, 'You look beautiful, mama. I like what you're wearing." I smiled this deep, heart-felt smile. "Thanks, Samsoum." And it kept me smiling for the rest of the day. It gave me a bit of confidence in my step as I walked into the baby shower that day.
Thank you for giving me confidence, dear daughter, thank you for bringing a real smile to my face.
There's just something about a child's true, unadulterated honesty, something about a young one's compliments that can never be replicated by any adult compliment, for in a child's compliment you detect true appreciation, unadulterated by any feelings of being kind. 100% honesty. Children, the true brightness in our horizon.
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