Different Personalities...and the Bathroom

SubhanaAllah, Allah blessed me with two different girls and two completely different personalities. I know this might be a bit too graphic, but you can really see their differences of style in the bathroom!

My oldest daughter is so outgoing; she does not understand the concept of shyness or embarrassment. I know, it still surprises me, but she totally gets that character trait from her father. MashaAllah, I should try to learn how to help her take advantage of it.... She can be sooo cute sometimes, and apparently so overbearing, as my sisters let me know.

But when she used to do #2 in her diaper as a baby, she used to do it in front of the whole world, not even thinking twice about it. And now as a four year old, she wants me to stay with her in the bathroom and converse while she's going full speed. I have to teach her to be on her own.

With my second daughter, it was a bigger challenge potty training her. She would hide whenever she wanted to use the bathroom, and though I remember my younger siblings doing that as well, it surprised me how children could understand the concept of hayaa'a, shyness/modesty/embarressment. And now that she uses the potty (only for #2), she'll make sure I leave her alone. "Mama, ruhi, wi2filee il baab." "Mama, go and shut the door."

hahaha, i love it, and subhanaAllah, she is generally a shy kid in public, if she is first being introduced to a new group of people.

Life of A Parking Space

I stood outside with my daughters, one snowy and icy day, cleaning off our black SUV with the new, long, double sided snow brush my husband had sent us long distance through Amazon.
Just the day before, I had complained to him that he had thrown away my broken snow brush last summer when he was cleaning out our old Volvo, getting it ready to be detailed and sold. I told him not to throw it away, that one day I would wake up and find snow, and no brush to clean off that snow with.
And I was right, the season's first snow had falled and melted, and I had had to clean the car with the back of my coat sleeve. Now the second snow fall had arrived, and it was much hardier than the first one-no back of sleeves wipe would do the trick for me. And so I complained to my husband that night, as I stayed snowed in my apartment with my two little ones, trying to entertain them and remain sane.
"I'm stuck without a snow brush. Thanks hubby. What am I supposed to do tomorrow morning when I try to go out?!"
And so, my new snowbrush arrived the next day by mail. Nice, sleek and long.
And we stood outside in our apartment parking lot, me cornering my two year old so she wouldn't run out into the street and watching my 3.5 year old trying to clean the snow off the car with her new toy.

And we watched one parking spot, two cars down from ours, fill up with a white Camry after having stood empty for a while. Ten minutes later, its driver returned and drove away, leaving the spot empty again. Two minutes later, that spot filled up again-this time with a silver Passat. And within minutes, its driver had returned and drove away to another destination. And there I stood with my little sumy, brushing away at that snow, breaking up those clumps of ice. And in drove the third car, a navy blue Volvo V70 and parked. All within 20 minutes of my stand. Twenty minutes, three cars, one parking spot. And one on-looker who watched it all.

Standing in one spot, and seeing another spots dramatic, quick changes, all within minutes was symbolic to me. Amazing, changes come and go, pass by us, and we remain standing, watching, waiting, hoping.

Happiness

I got a compliment from my almost four year old daughter the other day, and it lit up my world, brightened up my day. It was the first compliment I've gotten from her, and I didn't imagine that little children could notice these things, and that their appreciation would make me so happy.

I was walking outside our apartment door, ready to take my daughters and husband on a couple of trips before I went out alone to an old friend's baby shower. As I walked out the door in my purple jilbab and silver-lined, purple scarf, my little daughter looked up to me and said, 'You look beautiful, mama. I like what you're wearing." I smiled this deep, heart-felt smile. "Thanks, Samsoum." And it kept me smiling for the rest of the day. It gave me a bit of confidence in my step as I walked into the baby shower that day.

Thank you for giving me confidence, dear daughter, thank you for bringing a real smile to my face.
There's just something about a child's true, unadulterated honesty, something about a young one's compliments that can never be replicated by any adult compliment, for in a child's compliment you detect true appreciation, unadulterated by any feelings of being kind. 100% honesty. Children, the true brightness in our horizon.

Parenting at Almost Four

Should not involve disciplining a rude kid. But already my almost four year old is testing me and trying me with her rude faces and retorts. I am at a loss to how to fix it. I have started disciplining her by taking away story time at night, and I'm not sure its working. She gets so upset when I do that, and cries her heart out and throws fits and fits, but I'm not sure it helps her act better the next day.

today was especially trying for me. I am exhausted by trying to get her to act right. Maybe I'm expecting too much? Maybe I'm caring about what others say about how she acts, and that's why I'm trying to control her behavior and actions? I used to let go, but now that she's older, I feel like ppl can only handle her so much b/c she's not a little 'cute' kid anymore. But if that's the case, that's wrong of me.
I need to be disciplining her for the right reason, not b/c of what others will say about her. But how do you get a kid to stop giving you nasty looks when they're upset, and retorting at you without slapping them? For the life of me, alhamdulillah, i've been able to keep that violence away, b/c i know its just my temper getting the best of me. but sometimes, oh how badly i want to slap those words out of her mouth or that look off of her face.

Ya rabbi, I ask you to help me raise this girl in the best of akhlaq. Forgive me if I treated my parents wrongly, and if this is my just punishment. Please forgive me, and lead these daughters of mine to the best of akhlaq so that you will be pleased with them and I can live with them.


what would make my daughter better?
I know if I had more fun with her, on a personal, playful level, she would probablylove me more and be so upset at upsetting me. maybe i need to do that, just play with her. instead of taking her places to play and thinking that's enough.

subhanaAllah. ya rabbi, sabbirnee 3layha.

Hurting My Kid

aaah, i'm in pain right now, and i don't think i've ever hurt my daughter as much as i did today. i've never seen her cry such deep tears of upset and disbelief. i disclipined her today by taking away her bedtime story. she misbehaved and i gave her many chances, counted down, threatened etc. and then took her down to 1 story, and then she acted up again and i took away her one story. and i knew it would hurt me, b/c it would unsettle her before bed, which would make falling asleep harder for her, and yet i felt she would only learn if she saw that i would not change my mind. but she cried and cried her heart out and i'm so sad.

and to make it worse, she acts up usually when i don't give her enough activities during the day, and today i left her at my mom's from 4-9 pm, where they didnt have much to do. so i always feels bad when i feel like i didn't give her enough of my time of day, but i have this project i need to finish by next week and i'm no where close to finishing it... aaaahhhh. poor baby.

What is right? am i doing the right form of disciplining? i don't feel like this is going to hurt her long term, b/c i did warn her. and i'll shower her with love tomorrow to show her i love her, but that she can't act up in rude behavior. ... i don't know...

and i lost her today. and the worst thing is i didn't even notice till minutes later. we were at teh library and she was on the computer and i was doing puzzles with her sister. when i finally got up, i noticed she was gone. i went searching for her and found the librarian and another woman bringing her in, apparently she had been outside looking for me, thinking i had left her and gone to the park. and then the two women went off and started whispering, and i could just imagine them talking about this irresponsible foreigner who didn't care for her kid... subhanaAllah. alhamdulillah He protected her and me from feeling the fear of losing my daughter to human's moment of weakness and non-omniscense.

Small Science Experiment for 3 year old

I kind of adapted this idea from a website I came upon for Montessori teaching and from the snowy/sleety weather we had last night.
While we were driving, a snow truck passed in front of us and sprayed us with some pebbles/salt grains. My daughter asked me about it and I explained that salt helps the ice melt more quickly and keeps ice from forming on the ground. She asked how, so I promised her that next morning we would do an 'experiment' to discover how. This excited her since she's been reading a mouse story , with the mouse getting dirty in one scene from a 'science experiment.' So she said excitedly, "tajruba 3ilmiyya?!" And I said, 'Yes!"

Today we took out two little bowls and two pieces of ice. I let my daughters take turns pouring salt on the 'experimental' ice cube. Then we moved around both bowls and got them little spoons to mix the ice. The ice with the salt melted very quickly! We learned about the different states of water, about different things that help ice melt more quickly.

quick fun!

Children's Innocence

My heart hurts for my children, and I wish I could protect them from learning what meanness is.
The other day we were visiting with some older, generally well-behaved children and their parents. When we went home, my three year old told me that the 'older' boy (6? 8? year old 'A') had called her banana head. She was laughing when she said this. And I knew that she thought it was funny.
But I kept on thinking to myself that he meant it in a way to make people laugh, and b/c she was innocent , she wasn't hurt by him using her as a tool for humor. But I felt so bad. I was happy that she wasn't hurt, but I realized that one day it would dawn on her that people are mean, and words could hurt. My heart cries for my children, cries for the day they realize human meanness.

Ya Allah, give us strength in our bodies and spirits, and protect our children from evil.